The great Michael Jackson once said, “I’m never pleased with anything, I’m a perfectionist, it’s part of who I am.”  Some people think perfectionism is not necessarily a bad thing, but look where it got him.  He pushed himself to his absolute limits and while he leaves behind and incredible legacy, was it all worth it?

I deal with my own perfectionist tendencies on a daily basis and have since my childhood.  My parents never had to tell me to clean my room.  I made sure my stuffed animals and books were lined up according to size and had fits of anxiety every time someone moved something.  At one point, I wanted to vacuum the carpets every day (twice a day) to remove any footprints.  It got so bad, my parents said I wasn’t allowed to use it anymore.  Telling a kid they can’t do a chore is really somewhat amusing.

These days I find this personality trait comes out mainly at work.  I am incredibly organized, to the point where I need to plan what I am going to do each day for at least 9 weeks in advance.  I prefer to have my own work space as everything has to be “just so.”  I don’t understand how people in my profession can have mountains of stuff piled up on their desks, but to each his own I suppose.

So, my question is, is this unhealthy?  I mean, I understand how perfectionism can actually be counterproductive.  If someone is spending more time organizing than getting actual work done, this is not a good thing.  Sometimes, though, I wish I could have my own little business organizing other people’s lives.  I take great pleasure in ensuring everything is in it’s rightful place and filing stacks of paper into their correct folders.  Problem is, being so organized, this only ever takes me a few minutes.  I would start making a mess if I could, but this would only stress me out.

Is perfectionism neurosis?  Is it possible for a perfectionist by nature to tone it down or would that only make us more neurotic?  I know, for me, if someone took away my post-it notes and highlighters the world just might end.

We all know that breakups are not very fun.  Whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee, there’s usually a bit of anxiety.  Add to that the constant need to please others and you have a full-blown panic attack on your hands.

Breaking off romantic relationships is one thing, but what about breaking up with a friend?  Are you the type to just ignore their texts and calls?  Or do you feel the need for closure?  And if you needed the latter, how would you bring it up?  “Hey, Angie, we need to talk.  I don’t want to be your friend anymore.”  Yeah, that conversation probably wouldn’t go very well, especially if Angie is co-dependent and likes to kill with guilt trips.

So, here’s the dilemma:  how do you end a friendship if you a) don’t want to hurt their feelings and b) know the conversation will leave you feeling as if you’ve kicked a puppy?

The two reasonable answers would be to just ignore them or bite the bullet and plan out what you have to say.

Let’s take scenario #1:  ignore, baby.  It’s easy to block people from social media sites or pretend you didn’t see a phone call.  Problem is, what if they come to your house or start phoning all of your mutual friends to see if you’re alright?  I guess after time it would die down and hopefully they would move on.  The trick is being able to put up with this for a few months until they stop trying to contact you.  With any luck you won’t run into them at the mall where you’d have to make up reasons for ignoring them.  “Oh, um, I was in Asia for 6 months,” then cross your fingers they don’t start texting you again thinking it was all just a misunderstanding.

Scenario #2:  have the conversation.  Now, remember Angie will be upset no matter what you say.  All she hears is “I don’t like you anymore.”  Harsh, right?  If you’re going this route, it’s best to have a few set phrases that you can repeat until she understands you have no interest in trying to revive the relationship.  For example,  “I understand you are upset, but I really feel this is the right decision for me.”  There’s really not a lot for her to argue with here and if she seems to move on, you made the right choice in choosing this option.

So, what’s my issue?  I have difficulty doing either of these.  I feel like both will hurt Angie’s feelings and I don’t want to do that.  She’s not a bad person but the relationship is draining.  I know I have to accept that it’s up to Angie how she deals with my decision, but it would still weigh heavily on my mind.

Can anyone relate to my situation?

Well, it’s my birthday today; another year older.  I’m not exactly sure what I intend on doing with this blog as I have never had one before.  I love to write and have many thoughts and ideas, so perhaps I will just write about them.

If anyone reads this, here is a little about myself:

I am a working professional in Canada.  I live alone and have had some life-altering experiences and relationships.  Much of what has happened in the past few years has shaken my being to the core and though it scares me to think about, I know there are others out there who can relate to my stories.  This gives me an invisible blanket of comfort, though I am saddened by human suffering.

Anyway, here’s to blogging and seeing what this will do for me.  If you can relate to anything I write, I hope even a little bit of what I say makes you feel less alone in this immense world.  If you cannot relate,  maybe it will give you a different perspective.

Cheers. :)

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